Toxic Positivity vs. Genuine Optimism: Spot the Difference
We’ve all been there, someone tells us, “Cheer up, it might never happen!” or “Just stay positive!”
While these phrases are usually well-intentioned, they can sometimes feel like they’re glossing over how we really feel. This is what experts call toxic positivity, an insistence on staying upbeat no matter what, often at the expense of acknowledging real emotions.
The Dark Side of Relentless Positivity
At first glance, being positive all the time might seem like a good thing. After all, who wouldn’t want to focus on the bright side? But when positivity becomes relentless, it can actually be harmful. For example, it might make someone struggling with anxiety or grief feel pressured to “just snap out of it.” It can isolate people by making their real feelings seem unwelcome or wrong.
Toxic positivity often comes from a desire to protect others or ourselves from discomfort, but it ends up suppressing genuine emotional expression. It creates a culture where we avoid difficult conversations or honest admissions, instead painting over problems with a forced smile. This isn’t supportive, it’s silencing.
Leading with Hope, Not Denial
So, what’s the alternative? Enter genuine optimism, a healthier, more balanced approach that accepts reality as it is, with all its ups and downs. Genuine optimism doesn’t ignore hardship or pretend everything is perfect. Instead, it acknowledges when things are tough and couples that awareness with a hopeful outlook for the future.
For example, instead of saying, “Don’t worry, everything’s fine,” genuine optimism says, “Things are hard right now, but we can find a way through.” It’s about being realistic while still believing in positive outcomes. This approach invites honest conversations and builds resilience rather than masking difficulties.
When to Say, “Actually, Things Are a Bit Rubbish Right Now.”
One of the most important parts of genuine optimism is giving ourselves and others permission to be truthful about how we’re feeling. It’s okay (and often necessary) to say, “Actually, things are a bit rubbish right now.”
Admitting struggles doesn’t make you negative or pessimistic; it makes you human. It opens the door to real support, connection, and problem-solving. And once you’ve acknowledged the tough parts, it becomes easier to focus on small wins, hope, and ways to move forward.
Creating a Culture That Supports Rather Than Suppresses
Whether in the workplace, at home, or among friends, fostering genuine optimism means encouraging honest dialogue. It means checking in with others, not just to ask, “Are you okay?” but to truly listen when they say they’re not. It means dropping the platitudes and responding with empathy and hope.
By recognising the difference between toxic positivity and genuine optimism, we can create environments where people feel safe to express themselves fully, without fear of judgement or dismissal. This kind of culture doesn’t just help individuals—it strengthens teams, communities, and relationships.
Positivity is powerful…but only when it’s real.
The next time you find yourself tempted to say, “Cheer up!” consider whether the person you’re speaking to needs a genuine ear and a hopeful heart instead.
Let’s choose kindness, honesty, and realistic optimism over empty cheer. Because sometimes, the best way to support someone is simply to say: “I hear you. Things might be tough right now, but we’ll get through this together.”
